A guide to the Harvard deans who are trying to get you mugged

I’m breaking out of my Dem Apples hibernation to add to Eva’s fairly serious post about the budget cuts with (surprise surprise) a not-as-serious post of my own (though the Paul McLoughlin quotes at the end are pretty handy). Cross-posted from the OHT blog, where we’ve had some more fun with this picture too.

Here are your lovable Harvard administrators cheating by walking through Cambridge Common with seven friends in broad daylight, in order to avoid the awkward photo of them all taking the shuttle to the Quad like 10 minutes after they canceled all shuttles, forever, except the ones to Longwood.

But who are these people you’ve never met before who want you to walk back in the middle of the night and thus get hit over the head with blunt objects and whatnot? Here’s a handy guide to the deans labeled in the picture, to help you connect faces with your blind rage:

1. Judith Kidd, Associate Dean of Student Life and Activities: She’s smiling and leading the pack because she won’t be around next year to receive all the complaints and ransom notes.

2. Jay Harris, Dean of Undergraduate Education: Ignoring for a moment the fact that he’s the Cabot House Master so there’s no way he should be on board with this, I’m not sure what he’s thinking walking out front in such an exposed position like that. I mean, if I were choosing whom to rob first, I would totally go for the most Jewish-looking person in the world. No offense meant, it’s just a matter of maximizing efficiency.

3. Evelynn Hammonds, Dean of Harvard College: The Dick Cheney to Drew Faust’s George W. Bush, Hammonds joked at a meeting with students that “I wore orange so if there were tomatoes they wouldn’t show,” which means not only does she want us all to be killed, she also doesn’t know what color a damn tomato is.

4. Paul McLoughlin, Assistant Dean of Harvard College: Justified the cuts to late-night service by noting that “shuttle service ended at 12:30 a.m. every night before 2004.” Of course, there was a certain Assistant Dean (what was his name?) who back in 2003-’04 “instituted the Harvard University Campus Escort Program (HUCEP) in response to growing concern over pedestrian safety following a rash of on-campus assaults” and said that “HUCEP is one of the things I’m most proud of.” Man, I miss that guy. He really cared about students’ safety.